After an awkward first Bumble date, I was ready to see who else was out there. The weather was finally starting to warm up after an awful winter. From moving into my ex’s neighborhood, my grandma’s death, and accidentally homie hopping, I needed a win.

Bumble was keeping me entertained, but I was yearning for something more. After meaningless conversation after meaningless conversation, I was starting to get frustrated. Guys I actually wanted to meet up with went ghost and guys I didn’t necessarily want to meet, were the most attentive.

Typical.

After some boredom swipes at work, I let the time lapse on a guy who I had matched with. Twenty-seven, Tennessee State University graduate, Catersville, Ga resident. He requested an extension and I honored it.

Him: I’ve been waiting all day to talk to you.

I was hesitant because he was young and lived a solid hour from Atlanta, but I figured he could be useful for a happy hour date after work.

The conversation immediately seemed forced. After asking what my major was in undergrad, he insisted on asking what my favorite news publications and journalists were.

As I made up some response, I thought he was either extremely professional or extremely lame.

I checked myself for a second.

Was I really judging someone for being educated and interested in who I am?

Because I was on a mission to be open to all opportunities, I agreed to meet him that weekend in Kennesaw.

I asked my friends to meet me at the mall so I can step up my wardrobe. It had been months since I had shopped and I needed some new items to start feeling my best self for this date, and in general.

For the first time in my life I was exploring men and dating with my mind, and not my heart.

Something foreign, but after all I’d been through, I needed my heart to take a backseat to logic on this new chapter I was unfolding.

Once I picked out an off-the-shoulder sweater, a new spring jacket, and The Lip Bar lip-gloss, I was ready for my date.

He and I had briefly talked on the phone a few times throughout the week and he was a consistent texter.

He had to attend his cousin’s prom walk before our date, so he asked if meeting at Sivas in Kennesaw would be cool instead of dinner. I thought that was a bit odd, but wanted to get the initial meeting over with.

Not sure what a prom walk was, but I figured it was some country, Georgia shit.

As time neared for us to meet, I got ready and chose to wear booties, took a deep breath, and made the 25 minute drive north to Sivas.

It was 10pm when I parked and texted him I made it. He said he was 10 minutes away. I decided to let him know I looked different from my pictures because I was wearing my new glasses and didn’t have any pictures on my profile with glasses on.

Me: When I see you, I may look different because I’m wearing glasses and need them at night! lol
Him: It’s cool! I’m short.

Huh?

He looked short in his profile pictures, but I’m 5’1 and maybe 5’5 with these booties on. How short could he be?

He texted me back and said he just parked and was walking up. I took one last look in the mirror, slapped on more lip-gloss on, smacked my lips, and walked out the car.

While I was walking up to the entrance, I saw a guy who looked like the guy in the picture, but…

No.

Can’t be.

Him: Jasmine?

This man was easily 4’9 or 5’0.

I hovered over him as I reached down to give him a hug.

Shocked?

As I was getting over how short he was, I noticed this guy who was standing off to the side.

Him: And this is my cousin.

Cousin?

He brought his cousin on our first date. And his cousin was tall and attractive.

Is this a joke?

Am I a joke?

I should have gone back to my car and drove home, but I decided to give myself an hour limit before I made an excuse to go home.

We walked into Sivas, with his cousin, and he started dapping up everyone in there.

The waitress walked the three of us to a table and I immediately asked for a margarita. His cousin ordered wings, fries, and a Long Island. My date didn’t order anything because unbeknownst to me, he doesn’t drink.

The minutes go by, I look around, and realize this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever been part of. I am on a first date with a short man and his cousin. In Kennesaw, Georgia.

His cousin asked me if I wanted a fry and I declined. After 25 minutes, the cousin finally gets up and goes to the bar.

I asked my date why he brought his cousin.

Him: Honestly, this is my first date since my ex and I broke up a few months ago and I was nervous. I didn’t know what to expect.
Me: But, how did you think we would connect if your cousin was here?
Him: I know, but I really like you and wanted to make sure you looked like your pictures.

UH?

I smiled, chugged my margarita, and told him I needed to head back home because it was getting late.

He understood, walked me to my car, and asked if we could go see ‘Us’ the next weekend. I told him I would get back to him and sped out the parking lot.

Did I just have the worst first date in the history of first dates?

Did this date really end up being more terrible than playing drunk strip jenga a week ago?

The bar is on the floor.

He hit me up the next day and I let him know I was completely turned off and didn’t understand why he would bring his cousin. He apologized, said it was a mistake, and promised to make it up to me.

Instead of giving him another chance, I told him we would be better off friends and immediately blocked his number and his Instagram.

I was ready to give up on dating apps entirely and accept the single auntie life, until I matched with a man who was absolutely everything.

His brown-skin, luscious beard, big lips, and gorgeous smile were heaven-sent.

Or so I thought.